I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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