I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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