you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
