I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
