doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
