i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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