Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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