Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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