She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
