I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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