Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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