i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
