JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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