The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
