Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
