Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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