Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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