you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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