fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
