It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
