So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
