awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
