party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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