That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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