Ambien. No doubt about it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize