my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
