i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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