Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
