Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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