Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
