The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
