Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
