I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
