bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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