my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
