This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
