Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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