dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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