I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize