I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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