yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
