also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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