theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
