He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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