omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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