just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
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