don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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