Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
