Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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