Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
