my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
