Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
