Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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