You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
