Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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