Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I CAN MOONWALK!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
