My nipple is on Facebook.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
