Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
