if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
