I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
