Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
