conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
