Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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