The maid of honor just puked.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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